What makes you intolerant and why?

What irritates and makes you angry?

Before resolving issues such as irritability and anger in general it is suggested that we need to understand the 'mechanics' of our anger as the first step in mastering this mood. To do this we need to compile a mental list of triggers of what makes us irritable and triggers our anger. These triggers are the stimulants that result in us exploding or, if we suppress our feelings – imploding. When we are aware of these triggers we can avoid them. Criticism is one major trigger. Not only can the criticism of others trigger an angry reaction within us - but sometimes - we can do it to ourselves. Self-criticism can make us irritable and angry. This tends to happen when we give ourselves a really hard time – when we push ourselves too hard to meet unreasonably high standards. Sometimes we set our own standards impossibly high. Remember we are only human.

Generally, we project our anger and irritability at others. Always with justification though – the golden rule being that it is always their fault! Not only do we get annoyed with what a person does (or even what he or she may not do) but we can also get annoyed with what we imagine his or her intention to be in acting or speaking the way they did. 

The problem starts to get out of control when we start to look out for things to get annoyed about. When this happens a quite innocent, trivial and insignificant event can result in us exploding. We are primed and simply waiting for the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

ANGER Being the victim. It’s not your fault. They did it to you. You are a victim so you don’t have to be responsible for yourself or your actions. Others will learn not to mess with you. How dare others say no to you?  Shout at them. Threaten them. Control them. After all you are strong and they are weak. It’s easy to bully and abuse someone who is more vulnerable than you. Their weakness is your strength. Anger allows you to control others by intimidating them. This control is power. Power makes you less vulnerable to being shamed again. They wouldn’t dare try to embarrass you anymore. Frighten them to keep them at arm's length.To stop them hurting you, you must control  their fear and manipulate their actions, thoughts and feelings

The obvious solution is…

'Anger management'

Whilst trying to manage your own anger and irritability is an obvious course of action – it is extremely difficult and usually fails.  Anger management usually involves you in an internal  struggle where you are battle with your feelings and impulses. A struggle where part of you is feeling angry and irritated and another part of you is trying to stop those feelings!  This can be infuriating - but considering the consequences - still desirable.

Anger management implies that first of all you must get angry. Once this is done the next step is to try to stop feeling that anger. In other words you need to get angry so you can examine and learn different ways of feeling less angry. 

However. Instead of managing the effects of anger, it  does seem a good idea to learn how to avoid it in the first place! I know that it is easier to say than do, but if we could develop the ability to meet those situations which irritate and cause us to become angry or annoyed without exploding, life would become much easier.

The alternative is to change

To achieve this happy state of affairs requires us to change our attitude towards those triggers. This approach will take time but is a lot more likely to free you from being a victim of your own  triggers and feelings.