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Wanting to belong...
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Feelings of loneliness and worthlessness are frequently linked with suicide.
We all know that loneliness is not the same as being alone. Some of us positively crave to live apart from people and never
(appear) to be lonely. |
| Some of us can be surrounded by a crowd of adoring people and still feel extremely isolated, lonely
and vulnerable. This is especially true when the level of contact shared is spoken and abstract or impersonal. Shallow contact
has no emotional value. |
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As human beings we really do have an inbuilt need for the warm comforting
glow we experience from knowing that we are unconditionally accepted and loved.
In the absence of this most fundamental of all of our basic emotional needs;
we can quickly become isolated and tormented by feelings of loneliness and the belief that we are not worthy of acceptance
and/or love. Or to put it another way - nobody loves me.
Being unloved (and fearing ourselves to be unlovable) is soul-destroying.
As human beings we can (and do) suffer terribly from loneliness - which in turn - can make us hyper-sensitive to
rejection.
This 'hyper-sensitivity" leaves us in an heightened semi-permanent
state of expecting to be rejected.
Because we are expecting to be rejected our over sensitivity can transform
the slightest snub (actual or perceived - intended or unintended) into a very painful kick in the teeth. A positive confirmation
that we are not wanted. That we really are not worth knowing.
By expecting rejection, we look for it - and sure enough - when we look
for it we find it. When we find it we then use it to entrench and enhance
our own feelings of not being wanted. Of being unwanted. Of being worthless.
Worthlessness
Experiencing feelings of worthlessness is depressing, believing ourselves
to be worthless is dangerous.
Feelings of worthlessness frequently lead people into harmful relationships
where their feelings of being worthless are further enforced.
These feelings can also keep them in such damaging and abusive relationships.
Many of us find acceptance through an institutional identity:
Armed forces. Police etc. Still others find acceptance in the fellowship of religious and political movements and assorted
cults and belief systems - including psychiatry. | |
Others can become so brutalised that the simply accept their worthlessness
and abandon themselves. The usual methods of self abandonment are alcoholism and drug addiction.
These "dead ends" are frequently short cuts to homelessness, begging, prostitution
and criminality. All self-harming activities suggesting a complete and utter indifference to whatever befalls them. Clearly
it seems that the belief that no one cares for them, can trigger a similar self-hate recklessness to themselves.
Others sink into the darkness which is mental illness and take their own
lives whilst there.
Isolated people need to talk with attentive, non-judgemental listeners
simply to get their unhappiness off their chests. Think of this as being the first step in the recovery process. With the
best will in the world, when we are called upon as listeners, to suggest the next step which should be taken, we almost invariably
suggest sufferers to visit their family doctors.
All too often the doctor will seek to address the anxiety and depression
associated with loneliness by 'treating' with medication. It seems to me that prescription drugs appear only to address the
symptoms and not the underlying cause.
It is said that counselling provides a more holistic view of a person -
past and present, body and mind - and aim to reduce the feelings of isolation through self understanding and release of past
pains that cut them off from others - and themselves.
It seems that the more we people are packed together, the greater the distance
between us becomes.
However, loneliness is one of those things which we can all do something
about.
To eliminate the suffering caused by loneliness, we simply need to be nice
with each other.
CLICK HERE FOR LONELINESS COPING STRATEGIES
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